I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I believe in your delicious
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
