You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
there is glitter all over my balls
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
