Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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