Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
