im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
