i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
