Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
