you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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