she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
