DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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