o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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