I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
