my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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