At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
