Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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