I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
