if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
