My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
