I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
