Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
