I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
