the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
