he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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