I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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