He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
