Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i now understand why vodka
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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