Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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