Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I will be naked everywhere
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
