I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
