Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
