So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
