I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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