I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
