The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize