taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
