8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
