he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
