Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
