I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We left an ass print on the piano.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
