he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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