I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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