Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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