Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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