I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
