Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
