she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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