I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize