Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
