I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
