Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
