Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
