We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i now understand why vodka
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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