i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
