My friends, they love my intelligence
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
