I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i think my cat just said my name.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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