Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
