I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How drunk are you?
Completed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
