what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
