all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
