Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
