Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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