My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
