How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
