I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
