I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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