thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
