No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
