Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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