You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Every concussion has its silver lining
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm both gender and math confused
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
