Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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