Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize