i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
