omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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