Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
