At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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