Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
