Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
