I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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