i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My ATM looks so different sober.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
