I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
