She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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