i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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