i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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