I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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