1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
