She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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